DIRT

Thank you to Lanaa  wonderful, gifted and creative writer, for inspiring / challenging me to attempt this unusual form of poetry. 

According to Lana, a Blitz Poem ‘is a run-on of phrases and words, a rush with rapid repetition.’ Having been an avid fan of stream of consciousness writing since childhood I couldn’t wait to give this poetic version a try…here is my first work, entitled ‘Dirt’.


FullSizeRenderDIRT

Dirt on her baby pink plimsolls

Dirt in her long blond hair

Hair that morning soft and shiny

Hair at dusk, all tangled

As tangled as chains

Tangled like her necklaces

Necklaces of beads and shells

A necklace of her grandpa’s blue fishing yarn

The old yarns he spun

Her yarns they never believed

Don’t be so trusting, Amber. So believing

Always believing. What an idiot

Idiot! Am not!

Idiot. Am

Am lying in the ditch

Am dying

Dying. Not breathing

Dying

©Annika Perry 2017

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94 thoughts on “DIRT

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’ve never heard of a blitz poem before but it’s quite an interesting format. Yours is very intreging,telling a story, in so few lines, which is simple on the surface but at the same time leaves so any questions unanswered.

    Great writing as usual Annika

    Mike

    • Annika Perry says:

      Many thanks, Mike and yes,it is the undercurrent of the unsaid that is also such a powerful force in this kind of poems. Since prose writing is my norm I can’t help but tell a story – even the hint of one here! 😀

    • Annika Perry says:

      Pam, thank you so much! 😀 It was fun to write and once I read up on the basic format easy to start writing. I do hope you have a go – and please feel free to share here on a comment if you like.

  2. reocochran says:

    This did meander but seemed so completely encompassing that it makes any other stream of consciousness poetry seem absurd.
    The childlike wonder changes into a poignant and shocking ending. If only she had listened. . . my eyes are tearing up.

    • Annika Perry says:

      Robin, deep and heartfelt thanks for your lovely touching comment; it means a lot to me.😀 I was hoping the shocking end didn’t seem crass or ‘cheap’ writing…if you’re tearing up I know it works okay. Many thanks. Is this a style you would be interested in trying yourself?

      • reocochran says:

        I think this is a style I might try someday but it seems to take some thoughtful positioning to create a pathway to meander upon. . . Yours was lovely and will check Lana’s out now. Better late than never. 😉

  3. Christy B says:

    I love your take on the challenge and that you tried a new-to-you form of poetry, Annika! The imagery is swirling around, like a cyclone, as it came so fast and furious at me ~ Wonderful 🙂

    • Annika Perry says:

      Christy, wow, I love the image of ‘like a cyclone’ – my brain did feel a bit like that! 😀 It was indeed fast and furious in writing even and I was scared to pause in case I lost the thread of it. The edit and amendments came later. I’m so happy you liked this.

  4. maryannniemczura says:

    Love this poem called “Dirt” and the manner in which it is written. I’ll have to investigate Blitz poems. Having read a bit of James Joyce, I find your form similar. It seems to free up the artist.

    • Annika Perry says:

      Mary Ann, I would love to see what you write in this Blitz style of poetry. My version is much looser than the actual rules stated…but it works well I feel. Interesting that you mention James Joyce as it was his writing style I had in mind when composing ‘Dirt’ as I loved his stream of consciousness writings. It’s like trying to free the muscles of the mind from their usual constraints and practices, to think freely but still within some control. This was a lot of fun to write and I’ve jotted some others down. Wishing you a lovely weekend and hope you can see the daffodils peeking out from under all the snow soon! 😀

      • maryannniemczura says:

        I wrote a couple but unsure if I will use either for this week’s blog. We shall see. There is a site in Bavaria, Germany near the border of the Czech Republic which has re-blogged me several times in the last six months or so. I hesitate to use what I have written because of negative connotations of Blitz as in Blitzkrieg. I may just post one without actually naming the style of poetry. I usually am free form or close to a haiku form when I write poetry. No flowers on the daffodils yet but undamaged from all the previous snow. We are not yet out of the woods with winter fighting with spring. Typical for Upstate New York. 🙂

        • Annika Perry says:

          May Ann, the Blitzkrieg word link also struck me but I think most understand it as in ‘fast-paced’. I see now you’ve written one but realise this is very different from your usual format -exciting to try though. The most beautiful Spring day yet here and just back from the garden centre!! Hope Spring beats Winter soon for you. 😀😃

        • Annika Perry says:

          Yeah! I’m looking forward to reading your poem, Mary Ann and will pop over to your blog now! 😀 There was a rule on how to name it?? That will teach me to read the rules more carefully! Not my strong point!

  5. Aquileana says:

    I am loving it… dirt, hair, necklace, yarns, death…. The progression is well achieved and the ending quite unexpected (or not that much, to be fair: all things come to an end!) 😉
    Love & best wishes to you, dear Annika. ⭐

    • Annika Perry says:

      The only way I’ve found to write shorter pieces is by leaving lots of unknown open at the end…hopefully not too frustrating but allowing the reader to draw their own conclusions to a certain degree. So glad you were hooked by the poem, Sharon!

    • Annika Perry says:

      I know what you mean, Cathleen when you’re about to use a word that’s been used a lot already – but perhaps it is just the right word! 😀 Your comment means a lot to me and I’m quietly chuffed that my words can leave your gasping for emotional breath – then it has worked well! Many thanks. 😀❤️

    • Annika Perry says:

      Kathy, thank you so much and I understand what you mean about the phrases being integral to its creativity and power. It’s fun to try something new now and then! 😀

  6. Sheila says:

    I hadn’t heard of this kind of poetry, but I love the stream of consciousness feel. It kept me guessing until the end. I love the imagery here too and how we end up experiencing so many different feelings with just a few words.

    • Annika Perry says:

      Sheila, since joining WP I’ve come across many different forms of poetry and this is just the latest! I used to write a lot of stream of consciousness prose so was very tempted (with a bit of encouragement!) to try this in Blitz poetic format. Being totally inexperienced in poetry I must say it’s a delight to find oneself saying so much with so few words! 😀

  7. restlessjo says:

    Very well done, Annika. 🙂 Because I am a cheery soul (in the main 🙂 ) I’m going to substitute ‘dyeing’. Such a pretty shade of blue! Have a great week 🙂

    • Annika Perry says:

      Ah, Jo…I do love your positive swapping with the words…dyeing it is! 😀😀The necklace is one I bought many years ago in Sweden and is actually made from the same type of fishing yarn used by the fishermen but dyed to this glorious vibrant blue. Wishing you a lovely week too; I’ve lost track of your travels, is it Anglesey? 😀

    • Annika Perry says:

      The true ‘Blizt’ poem is a lot more constructed than this, is fifty lines long and starts with the word being repeated for two lines, ending on the second of those lines with the word starting the next sequence. I don’t follow rules well! 😀 I think the blitz is more a reference to the free thinking, stream of consciousness element being written down…fast! That worked for me with for the framework of this, then I left it a while before returning to edit and amend.

    • Annika Perry says:

      Julie, this was the first time I’d heard of it as well – it does have a striking name! It definitely has elements of free-writing but there is some format which I am only loosely following here. Many thanks! 😀

    • Annika Perry says:

      Thank you so much, Kate! I really don’t write poetry and this was just one of a few rare attempts but a joy to write so freely within a loose format. So glad it resonated with you! 😀

  8. Curt Mekemson says:

    Wow, well done Annika. I’ve always like stream of consciousness writing. My first experience was Jack Kerouac’s On the Road. I devoured the book. Part of that was because it resonated with my own wandering ways.:) Thanks for sharing. –Curt

    • Annika Perry says:

      Curt, I can easily understand that On the Road resonated deeply with you. I’ve read the book twice, once when I was far too young, but the second time the book struck such a chord with me and I appreciated its superlative quality. The writing is intense, jagged, non-sequential – just like life itself. So glad you liked my effort here – I’d forgotten the wonderful liberating sensation of stream of consciousness writing.

      • Curt Mekemson says:

        I’ve been reading Stephen King’s book “On Writing” and it seems to me he is arguing for a stream of consciousness writing in the first draft. Let the story tell itself, don’t burden it with plot development outlines, character notes and other things that take away from creativity. Use editing to clean up and tighten the plot. It makes sense to me. –Curt

    • Annika Perry says:

      Thank you so much, Lana and thank you too for inspiring me to try this new format – I do need a gentle nudge at times!😀 Like you, I didn’t follow the rules of Blitz poems strictly but found the looser freer version offering more creative scope. I’m hooked now and think I’ll write these just for fun!😀❤️

  9. Andrea Stephenson says:

    You’re very brave Annika, good for you for trying something new! I love the way the stream of consciousness takes me up and down – dirt on the plimsolls, perhaps innocent, to the lightness of memories and then to a very dark place at the end. Well done 🙂

    • Annika Perry says:

      Andrea, I just love your comment and how you totally ‘get’ the poem and so happy it manages to convey the feelings I was aiming for. Writing like this is fascinating as the mind really does seem to lead with only a bit of format correction from one’s conscious self. Many thanks! 😀

  10. balroop2013 says:

    Wonderful Annika! Playing with words and emotions is what poetry is all about and this poem does it beautifully. It is amazing how you have woven a story within a given framework of repetition of words, evoking empathy and pathos. Loved it!
    I was always irritated by stream of consciousness novelists as some of them were thrust upon us as a package… or a price we had to pay as the students of Literature. Only later did I understand, after breaking free from those caged readings that stream of consciousness is such a realistic aspect…just like flowing with the river and looking sideways to absorb all!

    • Annika Perry says:

      Balroop, I was the opposite and fell for the stream of consciousness writers whilst at school – such a welcome relief from many of the other to me then staid and old-fashioned writers. That we were encouraged to try this way of writing ourselves was a big plus! I love your poetic phrasing in your lovely comment which captures the stream of consciousness experience as ‘like flowing with the river and looking sideways to absorb all!’ Thank you so much for your wonderful encouraging comment and I’m so glad the poem had such an impact and you could feel the story within the repetitive framework! 😀❤️

    • Annika Perry says:

      Jill, I really appreciate your words, thank you so much! This was a lot of fun to write and I feel my mind hooked on these now and will definitely write more! Thank you so much for you encouragement! 😀❤️

  11. delphini510 says:

    It seems to me that you should write more of these “stream if the Conscience ” poems Annika.
    DIRT just pours forth like a river full of rapids. Such power!
    Sad but awesome.
    Mirja

    • Annika Perry says:

      Wow, Mirja, I love your poetic phrasing of ‘river full of rapids’ – powerful in its own right! Ever since reading James Joyce at school I felt stream of consciousness writing was the most liberating format around and tried that for many years…this was an interesting and new (to me) take on it. I’ll definitely keep writing these and got my little notebook to hand for when inspiration strikes me! 😀

  12. PeterR says:

    Powerful stuff, Annika. It seems you are as talented in blank verse as in prose. You always seem to leave a deep impression

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